Hookers and Rum
by Woody2792
Summary: Thirteen plans a little 'something' to get House's attention. Does it work? And what does she stand to gain if it does? Only a one-shot. Please read!


House groaned and looked at his watch. It was 0942 hours, he was dressed and in work, albeit sitting in his office instead of participating in the DDX, and was bored. He really did not see the attraction of getting up early – it made no difference to how the day panned out, and nor was it any more fun. The phone broke his short thought train, and he cursed. Maybe for once Cuddy was being slightly decent by not combining visual abuse with verbal abuse, but there was very little that he could do down the phone – his charm did not have the same effect nor work at full capacity. That was not to say that he could not do _anything_, but she just would not get as wound up as he would like. The shrill ringing was piercing his ears almost as much as the witch herself, so House grabbed the phone before he broke it.

'What.'

'Hey, is that Dr. House? It's Alyssa calling, can I talk to Remy, Remy Hadley, please? I was told she worked for you–'

'Then you must also have been told how I hate talking. Good–'

'You could at least pass a message on.'

'How did you get this number?'

'I called the main desk – I must have written Remy's pager number down wrong last time we met – and they gave me your extension number.'

'Lucky me. What did you want?'

'Seeing as you aren't gonna pass me over, and you haven't hung up yet, just tell her normal time, normal place tonight. She'll get what I mean.'

'Who are you, her hooker?'

'Well, wouldn't you like to know?'

'Yes, otherwise I wouldn't hav–'

The dialling tone set in, and House looked disgustedly at the handset as he replaced it in its cradle.

'–wouldn't have asked...'

He quietly finished his sentence before grabbing his cane and limp-storming into the DDX room, the sounds of incorrect diagnoses making him cringe.

'Yo, 31, your hooker called – normal time and place tonight. Now, duckling set mark II, what have you come up with?'

House gave up after 4 minutes and 31 seconds. They were vaguely near the right answer, so hopefully one of them would make the small link and claim to have been enlightened while treating. He sent them to run a batch of tests, and was surprised to see Thirteen hanging back to talk. He raised his eyebrow at her, which she took as a cue to start talking.

'I take it that it was Alyssa who called then? Thanks for passing the message on – I won't be having such a lonesome evening now.'

'Woah, I didn't expect you to _admit_ she was your hooker... She actually is?'

She shrugged at him and exited the conference room, leaving House gobsmacked. It was not as though she had never had a hooker before – hell, they all knew about it – but to have one call the workplace and talk to her boss? That was a new one, even for him!

As she stood at the bar, Thirteen felt a rush of adrenalin surge through her. She had seen House following her, on his bike, to the club – he was not overly subtle – and in these situations, it seemed he was as predictable as she had hoped. She took a sip of her drink while leaning on the bar, looking across the dance-floor for Alyssa; once spotted, she left her drink on the bar and made her way over. Both women smiled and hugged before starting to dance along with the music; they spent a few minutes grinding against each other to the music before Remy found herself pushed up against the far wall, Alyssa's lips pressed against her own. Having made her way from lips to neck to ear, Alyssa whispered, 'Is it working?', Thirteen glanced quickly over to House's figure at the bar – he was looking in their direction – and she could not say much more than, 'Uh huh.'

After some more dancing, the two women made their way back to Thirteen's apartment for some more drink and some food. As could have been expected, the door was knocked upon while the doctor was sorting out a small plate of food. Alyssa got up from the sofa and started to walk over to the door, but Thirteen stopped her.

'Nah, it's alright, he'll let himself in.'

'Remy, how on earth is he going to manage that? Even _I_ couldn't work out where you kept your spare!'

'Well isn't it lucky that you don't have my job then?'

Alyssa swivelled on the spot, a small squeak escaping from her lips and a look of pure horror and surprised etched onto her face. House was stood under the door frame, taking his coat off.

'See?'

Thirteen just shrugged at Alyssa as though it was an everyday occurrence. Which, to be fair, where House was concerned it was.

'Well, isn't this a happy hooker night then? Strange, I expected to see a few more clothes lying on the floor, and some action other than food-preparing... Oh, wait, you're the one with the clean and tidy fetish aren't you, Paula warned me about you. Gotcha.'

'House, she's not a hooker. We met in high school, and we were a bit on-off for a few years; we're just good friends now.'

'I saw that... Don't blame you though – I'd tap that.'

'Hello? Standing right here you know! Anyway, Remy may go both ways, but I'm a ladies' exclusive. Maybe one night though, us three. You're right Rem, he is kinda cute! Well, I'd best be off – seeya!'

Once the door shutting had echoed through the apartment, House turned his full attention to Thirteen.

'Kinda cute?'

'Yeah, well, she asked about work.'

'Kinda cute?'

'Oh get over it.'

'Cute?'

Hot. You're extremely hot. Better?'

'Yeah, but really, cute? Nothing else?'

'Hot. You aren't getting anything else outta me though, not when I'm this sober.'

'How much more drunk?'

'About half of this bottle of rum more.'

Thirteen held up a bottle and two glasses to punctuate her sentence. As they sat on the sofa, the conversation slowly became one more of two drunken people rather than one of a top diagnostician and his fellow. She was not actually drinking a great deal more alcohol, she just wanted to level the playing field and get House as tipsy as possible. With a swig of rum, Thirteen looked into his eyes; with unspoken consent, the conversation trailed into silence. There was absolutely nothing that she could do to drag her eyes away from his piercing blue ones; it was as though she was being sucked into a vortex – she was powerless. With a start, House pulled back a little, blinking.

'So, uh, what were you saying about me before?'

She took a deep breath – this was it, no way back.

'That you have the most intense eyes I've ever seen, and every time you look at me with them I think I'm gonna fall. I–'

House put his glass on the table and placed a finger on her lips; hesitantly, he leant in and captured her lips with his own. What started as a soft kiss soon became heated; hands were running up her sides and she traced the contours of his toned abs with her fingers. She was not sure who was responsible, but someone let out a soft moan as their tongues touched. With a gasp for breath they broke apart and just sat, looking at each other. House was the first to recover his senses, and smiled at Remy, undressing her with his eyes before speaking.

'You're more sneaky than I thought – you didn't need to ply me with alcohol or get a friend to call in if you wanted this, _Remy_.'

The brunette shivered as her name rolled off his tongue, it was something she had not experienced before, and could not wait to again. But, as everything with House did, the conversation did a u-turn from serious to normal House-ian territory.

'So, when's this threesome gonna happen?'

Remy just slapped him lightly and stopped anything resembling a protest as she touched her lips to his, smirking a little as he lay back on the sofa and pulled her on top of him.

* * *

**So this was my first venture into House/Thirteen territory... As much as I'd love you to be kind, I'd prefer the concrit!**

**Let me know how I did, what you thought, and anything else you wish to impart ot me - all achievable by pressing the little review button :D**

**Seriously though, if you could spare the time, I'd owe you :)**

**Woody2792x**


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